If all you have to do is ask, what do you ask for?
- Set your intentions
- Follow your passion
- Find your purpose
- Set SIMPLE goals
- Create a Vision board
But what if you don’t know what you want?
For years I was hoodwinked into thinking I wanted the same things as the people around me. I have some pretty interesting friends, doing some very interesting things, and I thought I wanted to do those things, too. It used to be called, “Keeping up with the Joneses.”
Mr Jones bought a new car. You run out and buy a better one. Mr Jones bought a new house. You no longer like your house. The Jones family went on a cruise for vacation. Guess where you’re going on your next vacation.
What is your purpose?
I remember when the purpose-driven life came out and all my friends were trying to “find their purpose.” They believed we were all pre-destined for a singular purpose and if we found it, we would be making a big impact on the world and living life to the fullest. The search was on. We took personality quizzes and self assessment inventories. Ten years later, I can look back and say with certainty I have not found a mystical purpose for my life.
What is your passion?
The latest craze is follow your passion. Everyone knows what they are passionate about, you can feel it in your bones. Just follow that feeling and everything else will fall into place. If you don’t, you will be stuck in a job that sucks the life out of you. My only question is: if everyone follows their passion who is going to pick up my trash on Friday afternoon? Who is going to deliver my next amazon order? Is my plumber really passionate about unclogging my sewer?
Know what you want
I do agree with the research that concludes that people who know what they want and ask for it are more likely to get it. Seems obvious. If you know what you want, you are more likely to ask for it, you are more likely to receive what you ask for because people know what to give you. If you know what you want, you are more likely to be looking for it, and more likely to see opportunities to get it.
But is what I want my passion? My purpose? Or do I just want it because I saw my neighbor had it. Do I want that job because it impresses me and I think others would be impressed? Do I want that house because it looks amazing and I want to invite others over so they will be amazed? I can’t even decide where I want to go out to eat; How do I decide what it is I really want?
More advice that may not help
Here is some other well intended advice, that may or may not be helpful if you still don’t know what you want:
- If you don’t have a passion, cultivate one.
- You don’t follow your passion, your passion follows you.
- Find Your Why
- Focus on Your One Thing
- Don’t dream your dreams, live your dreams.
What if I still don’t know what I want?
Some of this advice is great if you already know what you want. But what if you don’t know what you want? What if you don’t know your why or your One thing? What if you don’t have a dream that energizes you?
Six Steps to Figure out What you Really Want:
- Look at what you already have.
- Be able to be happy for what others have without feeling envious
- Examine Your Past.
- Take the Magic Wand Test
- Be willing to try new things
- Be observant about how you really feel in the moment
Look at what you already have
Being grateful or content for what you already have is the first step to figuring out what you want. Sometimes we do not know what we want because we are never satisfied with what we have. We have not mastered the art of gratitude.
Have you ever felt lonely in a group of your friends and then later sat at home wishing you had more friends? Have you wished for a new house and then when you got it wanted a bigger house?
Of course we have all felt dissatisfied with things we have finally got. Maybe we were longing for the wrong thing, but often we are just not very good at being content with what we have.
So step number one is to come to a place where you can say, “Life is pretty good just the way it is. I have everything I truly need.”
Learn to be happy for others
The second step is to be able to be truly happy for someone else without wanting what they have for yourself. We used to get tested in this area once a year when the annual Christmas card letters started coming in. Now, we get tested every day when the notifications on Social Media start blowing up our phone.
Just because someone else posts a new car, doesn’t mean you can’t be happy with your old car. Remember, you don’t have a car payment and you were pretty excited when you picked that car. You don’t need another puppy. Your old dog was once a cute puppy and you have enjoyed about all the potty training and puppy years you need right now.
It’s okay to think that would be nice without thinking it is really what you want. Reframe any envious thoughts into the joy of opting out instead of the fear of missing out. As you figure out exactly what it is you want, you will begin to find out how to truly be happy for someone without being envious.
Examine your past
The third step is to look at your past. Thinking about times you were really happy. What were you doing? Who were you with? How did they make you feel? Where were you? What made that place special? What did you contribute to the situation?
Think about times you were successful. What was it about that success that made you feel valuable? What were the steps that you took to succeed? Would you like to demonstrate those skills again?
Wave a Magic Wand
The fourth exercise is often used in team exercises to create goals for companies. It’s called the Magic Wand. Don’t just wave the magic wand over life and expect your perfect life to appear before your eyes. Wave the magic wand over a specific situation, person, or area of life.
If you wave the magic wand over your finances; what would it solve? If you wave the magic wand over your house, what would appear? If you wave the magic wand over a relationship, what would it change? This exercise can give you great insight into what you want to be different about your current life.
Try New Things
Next, be willing to try new things. Sometimes you will be surprised that if you take a chance and try something new, that it wasn’t as scary as you thought it would be. Maybe you are better at it than you expected. But don’t give up on it if at first you don’t succeed. It might be something you enjoy enough to put in the time it takes to get better at it.
Observe How You Feel in the Moment
Step five and six, work together. You need to try new things and be observant about how you feel about them. Do they make you happy? Do you want more or less of these experiences in your life? What did the experience teach you about yourself?
Whether you are trying it for the first time or it is something you do every day, be observant about how you are feeling. This is where writing in a journal can be a big help. You can tell your journal exactly how it felt without hurting someone elses feelings. Use these observances to be honest about things you like and start weeding out the things you are doing just because someone else is doing them.
And Repeat
Now that you have a list of things that you like and don’t like, you can begin to create a vision of a life that includes the things you want. You can set goals to achieve them. You can set your intentions to observe more of them in your daily life.
This isn’t a one and done exercise. You must continually reassess the things in your life and how they make you feel. People and experiences and even things will change you and change what you want in your life. Feel the freedom that comes from changing your mind and letting go of things you once desired but no longer want.
As you continue to observe what you like, are grateful for what you have, and know what you truly want more opportunities will present themselves for you to create a life of passion and purpose.
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