Getting bucked off a horse is one of those points in time you never forget. You can recall the exact time and place when it happened, how many seconds you managed to stay in the saddle before you hit the ground, and how many parts of your body hurt and for how long afterward.
What is harder to recall, is just exactly how long after that ride you maintained a deep seated fear to get back on a horse. Of course, you jump right back up and get on. Every one is yelling for you to. You bravely remount like it’s no big deal but in the back of your mind, you always wonder when is it going to happen again.
What’s In the Back of Your Mind?
Maybe you have never been bucked off a horse, maybe you’ve never even been on a horse, but I’ll bet you can recall a story in your life where something happened that set a marker in time and place that you will never forget. You can recall exactly what happened, how long it lasted, and how many parts of your body or mind hurt and for how long afterward.
The first time I hit the dirt I was riding my daughter’s horse. A dog popped up out of the woods nearby and my mount decided it would be best if I dismounted. He bucked two or three times and I rode him out. I maintained my balance and took my leg off him and talked calmly to him. “It’s okay, It’s okay, settle down boy.” That fourth time he came up he sort of went to the right and I went to left and came down hard on the ground. My tail bone was bruised, hips were sore, and my confidence was shaken. But I jumped back up yelling, “that was 8 seconds! Did you time it? It had to be 8 seconds.”
I sounded unshakable but I was afraid to get back on. I did get back on. I walked him to the gate mentally anticipating another buck. The first had come with no warning and made me realize how unpredictable an event like that can occur. That is not what I signed up for when I signed up to ride horses. I have never ridden that horse again.
Avoiding the Possibilities: Good or Bad
I haven’t ridden in over two years until today. The last time I rode my horse spooked out from under me and I hit the dirt hard. I don’t like hitting the dirt. The older I get, the less desire I have for any activity that includes unpredictable episodes of falling over five feet to the ground and not landing on your feet. If you don’t ride, you won’t fall off.
If you’re like me, when you visualize your future it always seems to include the worst moments from your past. Those highlight reels that are ingrained in your conscious memories, where you recall time and place and every detail, also leave behind unconscious scars. Even when we think we have overcome the worst of those times, we got back up on the horse and nothing happened, fears hide away just under the surface. We’re good, right?
Hiding Fear From Ourselves
Somewhere in your subconscious, fears you try to hide from lurk. They surface in ways you don’t even realize are happening. I had a riding lesson for the first time in two years today. I was so nervous about it that yesterday I literally made myself sick to my stomach. The anxiety increased as I added evidence of past riding mishaps and listened to friends tell their equestrian survivor stories.
Yesterday, I didn’t even know why I was sick. I had this deep seated fear of riding that I wouldn’t admit to myself because I love riding, when it’s going well. I thought I ate something bad.
As I drove to the barn today with butterflies in my stomach, I wondered, “Why am I even doing this? If this makes me feel like this why do I want to ride? Maybe I should decide once and for all that I don’t like riding horses and quit.” I decided to audit the experience and decide if I was going to continue this unnerving passion or give it up for good.
The Grounding Touch of Horse Hair
Let’s just say my lesson horse was a little intimidating. He stood as big as a warm blood and towered over the cement walls of his grooming bay. My heart was racing but it didn’t take long for me to feel assured he was going to take care of me. As I began grooming him, the butterflies in my stomach subsided. I was in the now. I had connected to the grounding touch of horse hair.
The Now Connects You to the Truth
In the now, you are not ruminating over the past. In the now, you are not visualizing the worst for your future. In the now, you are present and connected with what is currently happening. You’re only Truth is Now.
My fingers ran through his slightly damp coat. I brushed through his mane and tail. I sighed in relief as he picked up his back hoof and placed in my hand without a fuss. This is why I do this.
My instructor knew I was taking this lesson to rebuild my lost confidence in the saddle. She took me through exercises that would help me focus on the connection between my horse and me. The now. The present.
Preparing for the Unpredictable
We started off working on skills that would help me if the unpredictable did happen. My first lesson was all about intentionally losing my seat and regaining my balance. It was about being comfortable in all kinds of contorted positions in the saddle. And it was about an emergency dismount and landing on my feet.
Focus on the Now
When you find yourself ruminating on what ifs, if you are constantly reliving past pain and hurts, first try to focus yourself in the now. Is it really happening right now?
What are the situations that bring you the most anxiety or stress? Practice the skills you need to deal with those situations if they do occur. Know your emergency dismount so well that should it occur you will know how to land on your feet. If you aren’t sure, get a mentor, coach, or counselor to help build your skill set.
Build a Skill Set and Focus on the Now
Those past rides where I ended up in the dirt happened because I hadn’t practiced landing on my feet. Those fears that caused me so much anxiety yesterday I made myself sick was because I had lost sight of focusing on the now. Knowing you are prepared helps free up your mental energy to focus on the now, the truth, the only point in time you truly have.
Restore Your Joy
My love of riding was restored today. My outlook on life was renewed by simply touching the sweaty coat of a gentle giant and taking in the joy of the present.
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