I have always felt like the odd one out. Since elementary school, not getting picked for the dodge ball team or not being invited to the slumber party, I have had a nagging sense of being left out. When I do an inventory of the friendships I have had over the years, I often wonder what it is about those relationships that drift off into oblivion. How was I lucky enough to get one in the first place? What makes those that have stuck different?
The Evolution of Friendships
Throughout our lives, friendships can evolve for various reasons:
1. Life Transitions
Major life events—such as moving to a new city, starting a new job, or entering a new phase (like parenthood)—can significantly impact our friendships. When our circumstances change, our priorities often shift, leading to different social dynamics. Friends we once spent every weekend with may become less available, and new friendships may blossom in unexpected places.
2. Evolving Interests
As we grow, our interests and values may change. What once brought us together may no longer hold the same significance. This natural evolution can lead to drifting apart from friends who no longer share our passions or outlooks.
3. Different Life Stages
Friends may be at different life stages—some may be focused on career advancement, while others may prioritize family. These differing focuses can create gaps in understanding, making it harder to relate to one another.
4. Geographic Distance
Moving away can put a strain on friendships. While technology makes it easier to stay in touch, the lack of in-person interaction can lead to a gradual fading of connection .
5. Major Disputes
Sometimes a break up is over a major disagreement and it is clear to both parties that a division has occurred. But this is less likely to happen. Usually, you just wake up one day and wonder what happened to that person and realize it’s been a long time since you’ve interacted.
Weathering the Storm
Some friendships weather the changes; those are the ones I find most interesting in my own life and while watching others. The friendships that stick no matter the distance, the circumstances, and evolving interests. Now that we are all staying connected through social media, it’s easier to compare our in person friendships to those of others. Old friendships that have waned because of what you thought were geographical distances are less certain when you see photos of those friends still hanging out regularly with people who live even farther away than you.
Conquering the Great Divide
Looking at my own life, I have to wonder what is so different about the friendships I maintain across the distance, across the life stages, even when our interests have changed so drastically. What is the glue that keeps a relationship together no matter the obstacles it has encountered? While I don’t have any scientific proof, it is something that I often reflect upon. It seems to be the perfect blend of shared experiences, trust, and effort. Someone in the relationship is putting forth the work to maintain the connection and together they are making time for each other.
Why not me?
Why was I not the one picked for the extra effort to stay connected? Maybe the better question is why am I still asking the question I asked in elementary school? Why do I still feel left out? Maybe the best question of all is what relationships do I make the extra effort to maintain and am I happy with the results? What kind of questions do you ask yourself about friendships?
Exploring Friendships in Depth
In my last post, I wrote about stepping out of community, this week I have been thinking about relationships in my life that have made space for me to change my mind about faith or hold differing views on politics. These friendships get me a little closer to what I want to explore next time, “The depth of truth in friendships.”
That Fascination with Friendship
The fluidity of friendships doesn’t diminish their value. Each connection serves a purpose, contributing to our personal growth and well-being. Embracing the ebb and flow of friendships allows us to appreciate the people we meet along the way, even if they’re not in our lives forever.