Life was so much easier when I shared a common faith with a large community. We studied together, came to the same conclusions, even had the same ultimate guidebook, which we for the most part interpreted the same way. We had a leader we could go to when we had questions, but the main goal was to come to a common understanding.
I No Longer Fit
Then something happened. The things I believed in so strongly began to unravel. I didn’t seem to fit in anymore and the things we believed in as a group didn’t feel right to me. After years in the church, I stepped out on my own and started searching for my personal truth.
Stepping Away
Stepping away from a well-defined set of beliefs, like Christianity, while feeling uncertain about your own spiritual path is a complex and emotionally charged experience. It can be a lonely experience when your friends are still confident in the faith you used to share. When they talk to you with the conviction and assuredness you used to have, it adds pressure and confusion to your journey.
Embracing the Journey
If you are stepping out onto a new path filled with excitement and uncertainty, here are a few strategies to help you embrace the journey:
- Accept uncertainty: Understand that it’s okay not to have all the answers. Spiritual exploration is a personal journey and not everyone arrives at certainty at the same pace. It’s perfectly normal to feel unsure as you explore new spiritual beliefs. This period of ambiguity is a natural part of spiritual growth. Embrace it as a time of learning and self-discovery rather than a problem to be solved.
- Value the Process: Use this time to explore different perspectives, ask questions, and reflect on your own experiences. Think about how past experiences fit into the new things you are discovering. The process itself is as valuable as, if not more than, the conclusions you come to. Appreciate the exploration as a process of questioning and searching that will lead to deeper insights and understanding.
- Share Your Experience: Discussing your spiritual journey with the friends you used to share a common faith with, can feel uncomfortable. Be honest with them about where you are on your new path. Let them know that you are in a period of seeking but you are okay. Explain that you are in an exciting phase of exploration and that it’s a significant part of your growth. If you’re feeling frustrated or confused, it’s okay to also communicate those feelings. Expressing your emotional state can help others understand your experience. Let your friends ask questions about your journey, be honest if you don’t have all the answers. Let them know that your decision to explore outside the faith is a personal choice and that you respect their decision to follow their own path.
- Develop a Clear Approach: Set specific goals and focus on personal growth. Decide how you will approach your exploration, whether through reading, meditation, or engaging with different spiritual practices. This helps you and your friends understand that your journey is thoughtful and intentional even when you don’t have all the answers.
- Find Like-minded communities to connect with others who are also exploring or are open to various spiritual perspectives. These communities can provide support and validation as you navigate your own path. Finding a compatible community can be difficult though: Use journaling, meditation, or other reflective practices to explore your thoughts and feelings about your spiritual journey. Read books, attend lectures, or engage with diverse spiritual practices to broaden your understanding and find what resonates with you. Other suggestions include: online forums, local discussion groups, or spiritual meetups that focus on exploration and growth.
- Set boundaries: If discussions about faith become uncomfortable or too intense, it’s okay to set limits. If your friends are trying to convince you to return to your old faith, it’s important to set clear and respectful boundaries. Politely but firmly let them know that you appreciate their concern but need space to explore on your own terms. Be mindful of your friends’ comfort levels and avoid pressing them too much if they are not interested in discussing faith.
Trust the Process
Remember that your spiritual journey is unique to you. Trust that your process is valid and that you’re moving in the right direction for yourself, even if it doesn’t align with the expectations of others.