I tried to outline my novel on one neat roll but it was longer than my house was wide. It is getting to be such a complicated story, With time shifting and all, I really need two timelines. One for the story to progress and one for the chronological order of actual events. It can be confusing.
The same thing is true about our lives. It is harder than ever to live in the present these days and social media doesn’t make it any better. Now we get glimpses of other people’s lives every day, hourly updates are available in many cases. Before social media, we only had to check in and see what we were missing once a year when the annual Christmas Letters came pouring in.
Now there is constant notification accompanying us every where we go, urging us to compare our present moment with the glamorous posts of others. Not only are there hundreds of feeds posting daily gems but additionally there are reminders of the wonderful memories they shared one, two, five, or ten years ago. It can be very confusing.
I used to counsel clients to not compare their lives to others and to understand that when you are with them you only get a glimpse of their real world and generally they are showing you their best behaviors, their best display of their lives for a few moments or hours and then they leave you and go back to their normal, troubled life just like yours. Today, we are exposing ourselves to hundreds of feeds filled with snapshots of best moments, posed smiles, and trying to live up to a life worthy of posting about. Remember, trying to keep up with Jones’? Multiply the Jones’ by the number of profiles on your friends’ list. It’s maddening.
Their stories are so long you can’t possibly unroll them. There are pages and chapters missing. Some, you can rest assured, you’d be glad to not be part of. So stop being afraid you’re missing out. Your outline is your story, it’s only about you. It doesn’t need to be posted on social media to be real. Putting down the social media, getting your face out of facebook, and being present in your day whether you are by yourself or with others is freeing.
We have several outlines of our lives and often we avoid living on the chronological time line that brings us abundant living. We live in the past or keep waiting for the future. Rumination can have a costly affect on our mental well-being. We may obsess over transgressions against us, real and covert, unable to let go and living one foot in the past and one foot in the future. We may fear the future or just as debilitating, long for it at the expense of living our best life now.
I had to separate my outline into pieces in order to fit it into my library, the room where I do my writing. It’s still massive and hard to conceptualize all at one time. I have to look at each chapter separately and understand just enough details about the previous chapters to form a foundation for what is happening in the current chapter. I have to understand both timelines, well ***spoiler alert*** all of the timelines but I only dwell on what is currently happening in the story as I write.
I think it is the same for living fully in the present. It helps to have an
understanding where we came from, what our building blocks are, without ruminating on our past. We need to understand enough to develop healthy boundaries especially in relationships that tear us down. Move on, let go, and be set free from them. Then find the relationships that build you up, stand up for you, and bring you joy. Put down your phone and be fully present in those relationships.
Letting go of those relationships and those things that don’t fully fit us, although sometimes seems painful, will free up the room we need in our lives to awaken the joy we were created for. Don’t let your life’s outline become an anchor that keeps you stuck on the wrong timeline. Find where you fit and be where you are.